Smart Woman Online

What’s the Big Deal about Stress?

The Hidden Beast You Must Beat

August 17, 2009
By Candace Grasso, CEO and Founder of Fit Is It, Inc.

A type-A woman I know once told me that she’s always after her family to “quite smoking, eat right, exercise, don’t drink too much and, for goodness sake, slow down and drive safely.” This woman is no hypocrite; for all the years I’ve known her, she’s always practiced what she preaches.

But on this particular day, she must have needed some comfort, advice or both, because in her next breath she blurted out, “While I gripe at them for all of their issues, ya know what’s gonna kill me, Candace? STRESS! Stress is going to do me in!”

I’ve known this woman literally my whole life, and though she’s since moved away, most of what I recall when I think of her is her hassled and harried demeanor. Despite all of her “good habits,” she always appeared to be on the run. It was as though she had convinced herself that without her utmost attention to each and every detail to “everything” — not only in her own life, but everyone else’s, too — the world would soon come to an end.

This woman is the one who taught me that stress can be contagious, because just about every time I’d leave her presence, I’d feel as though I could use a massage and a stiff drink!

So, what is the big deal about stress? I mean, it’s not like it’s a disease or anything, right? Well, let me start by saying that if you or someone you care about is feeling overwhelmed, overworked, on edge, anxious or depressed, stress has invaded your personal space. It’s time to start mapping out the steps you’re going to take to evict this joy-killing sludge from your life.

Stress can be a hard houseguest to oust. Left unattended, stress becomes an angry tenant that can and WILL unleash its ugly wrath, eventually doing so much damage that no security deposit could ever cover the condition of the house it inhabited.

So what do we do when stress comes knocking at our door — run and hide behind the shower curtain? Ever seen “Psycho”? Not a good choice, but hiding your head in the sand will do you just about as much good, especially when in reality there’s no need to hide. You’ve heard it before, but it’s so profound. Fear is the only thing we have to fear, and if we run when change comes a-calling, fear wins, we lose and life becomes stressful. But what if we look deep inside, find the tools we need to embrace the situation and instead of running we turn and stare it down until “it” whimpers off into the distance.

Each and every one of us has been gifted with our own, internal self-preservation tool kit. Inside this precious, priceless gift, you’ll find the Holy Grail of human emotions that wants us to react when we are in danger, believe harm is imminent or are out of balance and close to health-harming overload. Fear, intuition, and stress are the gifts hidden inside this God-given tool kit, and if we listen when they warn us that danger is near, they can and will save our lives.

We all have to face our own set of challenges in life. It’s a part of the human experience, and while it’s never a rose garden, it is no doubt when we’ll achieve the most growth — if we allow it, that is. It’s when these life changes occur that these reactions — be they fear, innate intuition or stress — call out to us. That’s when we are supposed to stop, look around, take stock and decide if the reaction is appropriate.

The stress reaction (like all the reactive tools in our self-preservation kit) is useful and necessary, even as it warns us that something is wrong and/or unbalanced and needs our attention. A stress reaction can be helpful, protective even ­— if attended to. So, my intention is to gain your attention to the importance of listening to your body’s warning signs. If you do, you can launch a plan of attack and beat this beast back into its cave.

There are things you can do to fight back and set the right traps that will quickly and swiftly snap the neck of this joy-snatching, health-hacking, little rodent.

If I seem more than a little “scary serious” here, you’re right. One thing in this life you can count on is things will change, which can trigger a stress response. Simply stated, stress is the body’s reaction to any change that will require an adjustment in your life.

What kind of life changes are we talking here : A) physical, B) mental, C) emotional, or D) all of the above? (When I was in school and faced a multiple-choice format, I always shot for “all of the above.” I like to cover my bases; either that or I hadn’t studied.) Well, in this case, it is D.

Interestingly enough, a stress response is not always from what we would consider difficult or disastrous types of situations. When I was in my early 20s, I took a written stress assessment as things were “really hitting the fan” in my life and I was curious as to where I might land on the stress scale. I was surprised to find things like moving, having a baby, getting married, etc., fell into the same category as death of a loved one, losing a job and divorce. Your body can’t determine good adjustment reactions from difficult ones when they are piled up on you so high and heavy that you just can’t seem to get out from under them. In fact, the bigger issue really is how much are you carrying and for how long. The body and brain are well-crafted to handle stress both physical and mental, but when there seems to be no relief in sight, this actually has a name … DISTRESS!

That’s when things get really ugly. Stress running rampant can cause anything from the common but painful stress headache to high blood pressure, heart problems and chest pain, diabetes, asthma, arthritis, anxiety and depression. Left unchecked, these ailments bring on disease or worsen symptoms in those living with disease. So we see that stress is a type of disease, an evil invader that we can either fight or surrender one of our most precious of possessions, our quality of life.

Unfortunately, the quick fixes we often reach for only worsen the condition. Many in a state of distress may abuse alcohol, drugs or engage in other destructive behaviors in an attempt to relieve the weight of it all. These actions are not the road to take; they will only leave one feeling guilty, heaping more stress on an already blazing inferno.

Drug and alcohol abuse are a plague on our nation, resulting in victims attempting to treat the symptoms of stress and not the cause. I know this firsthand: my 47-year-old brother recently died of alcohol abuse. It’s a real problem and it’s out of control in this country!

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has declared stress “a hazard of the work place.” We have let stress run us ragged and steal our joy; we can’t continue like this. I’m not willing to give up my joy — how about you? Nevertheless, we continue to let the plague of stress overwhelm us, creating statistics that should alarm the most in denial individuals.

It’s reported that nearly 75 to 90 percent of all doctor’s visits are stress related, costing Americans nearly $300 billion dollars annually. We are killing ourselves. Why? If we heed the warning signs, we can do much to win this war. But America, eternally chasing the almighty dollar, won’t stop for a second to seriously assess our situation and take the necessary steps to fix the problem.

So, here are some suggestions to help us slow the hamster wheel we’re running on and calm the frenzy of stress. Don’t buy into the faulty thinking of my frantic friend. The world doesn’t depend on you, and saying “no” can save you. It’s time to make some changes.

If stress, fear, and intuition responses are the Holy Grail of self-preservation, then a healthy diet, daily exercise and adequate sleep are our A-Team of first response rescue! Yes, a low-fat, high-fiber, nutrient-dense diet can actually help your mental state — who knew?! However, the buck doesn’t stop there. It’s not just the food itself; it’s also the way in which we eat. Do you find yourself running around the city in your minivan or SUV, with the kids barking takeout orders and changing for soccer, karate, softball, etc. in the car? I’m stressed just thinking about it. Slow down, cook together and have a healthy meal at the table while engaging in a meaningful discussion of the day’s activities. I guarantee you, your blood pressure will drop and the kids will profoundly feel the peaceful fallout.

You can give me excuses all day long about how you are so busy and stressed you have no time to exercise, I’ll come back at you with “how much time do you have to get your affairs in order if you don’t?” Trust me, if I have time to fit it in, so do you. It can mean 15 minutes in the morning, 15 at lunch with a power walk and 15 after you come home from work. Consider taking the kids and the family dog; our pets are hitting the overweight mark along with us.

Don’t forget about getting enough rest. Start with shutting down your electronic devices at a certain time every day. For example, don’t answer your emails before going to bed. They will wait until tomorrow in most cases; I learned that the hard way, but here’s how I beat this one. As a business owner with a home office, I often have to answer an email or two on a Sunday, or after 8pm on a weekday. So I, with the help of my husband (my built-in A-Team), devised a plan: I’ll ask him to go to my computer, while I stand off in the distance so I can’t see the email. He logs on and looks for any email I need to respond to. He finds it, reads it to me and I dictate a three or four sentence response that he is kind enough to type and send. Off we go to taking our afternoon nap or, if it’s night, off to bed! If he’s not home, I deal with them in the morning : Hey, as Clint Eastwood says in Dirty Harry, “A man has got to know his limitations.” This is my system. Be creative, you’ll find a system that works for you. We can all take a hint from our European counterparts who often just close up shop for an hour or two in the middle of the day to engage in a long, relaxing lunch, laden with great conversation and a nap.

I’d like to close with a real-life experience that I pray might make a difference in someone’s life or possibly even save a life. It’s the story of a dear friend and client. Let’s call him “Joe.”

I sat with down with Joe not too long ago to have yet another conversation about getting a hold of his problems with stress. He refused to heed my advice no matter what I tried. I literally begged him to listen, telling him that if he stayed on the path he was on, his family would be out one great dad and devoted husband. He told me that I was hitting below the belt, to which I responded, “I’ll hit you wherever I have to, to wake you up.” He appreciated it, but a little too late. Less than a month later, he had a stroke. He’s alive, but even the stroke didn’t shake him enough to start on a path of healing.

So, I’ll say one last time with the most sincere of intentions: Let’s draw a line in the sand today and make the necessary changes to beat stress before it’s too late.

Until next time, my friends, live well and POWER ON.
Candace

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